Today was finally the day for me to leave the store and explore the world.
This really kind lady came in and ordered me for her son's birthday party.
Before I could leave the store one of the workers stuffed me with a bunch of
candy. I am pretty sure that at the end of the party the kids get to reach
inside me and take a couple handfuls of candy. I love seeing how happy the kids
get when they get a piñata and see all the candy inside. It was finally my turn
to make all the kids happy. While thinking about all this I did not even
realize that we had already arrived at the house of the party. The father had
taken me out of the car and attached me to a tree. I thought he did this so
that all the kids could see me and look forward to the candy. As I just hung
there I watched them set up and the process of everyone showing up. I was getting
so excited to see all the kid’s faces when they reached in and took out the
candy. That is when I saw the dad and the kids come towards me with a baseball
bat and blind fold. The birthday boy took the bat first and was blind folded
than spun around three times. The next thing you know he hit me with the bat. I
was so flustered. Kids just kept taking turns hitting. These kids are the most temperamental kids I have
ever seen. Candy started pouring form me and I than realized my life was soon
going to be over. It was all worth it though to see how much enjoyment the kids
got from it. My first and last birthday party was unforgettable.
I would change 'The next thing you know he hit me with the bat' to 'The next thing I knew, he hit me with the bat'. You cannot talk directly to the reader and you were already using first person, anyways. Other than that, this was an enjoyable post!
ReplyDeleteColleen, I really enjoyed your post! I found it adorable how the piñata ended up being okay with "dying" in the end. I noticed you used "than" in place of "then" a few times. Also, instead of "kid's" it should be "kids'". One is singular and one is plural. Other than that you did a great job!!
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